Contemplation from the Oxford Botanical Garden. It’s not easy to describe what it feels like to have vast parts of yourself stripped away so that the honesty of your gesture matches the song in your heart. This has been tried with me before in lesser venues to no success. Either fortunately or unfortunately I can sniff out manipulation, cruelty, and insincerity quickly and without hesitation. My walls can be erected instantly. Here are the people who crashed the walls down this week with their care and deep wisdom.

James Jordan’s great strength as a teacher (and I believe) conductor is his ability to love you into a better person. Most of the time to me he was just a blur of interesting tidbits, amazing, if sometimes conflicting, profound insights and a man not afraid to grab you and make your arms move to his will BUT just when you felt like if he said one more critical thing you would turn into a puddle, there would be a nod or a smile or a word of encouragement. It’s the same feeling I’ve had at times speaking with great artists except not once did one of them encourage me to pick up a brush.

Williamson Voices is a choir of beautiful voices and great technical ability carefully rehearsed, expertly accompanied and well nurtured by their conductor but what makes them amazing is their generosity. 25 conductors slashed and pressed and weighted them down for the first few days for hours at a time and yet they always had something nice to say. Sometimes it wasn’t much as they don’t bullshit but where something could be positive, they pointed it out. I never heard them bad mouth anyone (which is more than I can say for the directors). Many of the directors expressed wishes of having such a choir as if one could be purchased rather than nurtured into being.

Dr. Pilkington gave 3 lectures. I don’t know if this is true for anyone else but what he said at each (but particularly the last) was just what I needed to hear at each moment. There is no doubt that his words were as much responsible for my final conducting “performance” as Dr. Jordan’s.

And finally my Wednesday night confidant. We stayed up well beyond the dawn of our final day in Oxford. We talked of the weighty matters of our religious traditions, we spoke of nothing at all, sometimes we just sat and contemplated life in silence. (Fueled by a somewhat steady flow of whatever alcohol was left in the common room.) We took time to just be. It was the perfect ending to a wonderful retreat but eventually lights are flipped on, janitors show up to clean, bags must be packed and the real world must be returned to. Who can say if we’ve been changed for the better? but we have been changed for good. Thanks be to God!

Dulce Lumen, Op. 49, No.4 Michael Waldenby

Darren Magee, Conductor